Rock The Ping!!

Days 55-61: Chiang Mai, Thailand

It was a night-time paratrooper mission that we were surprisingly prepared for: Loi Kraton in Chiang Mai, Thailand . . . someone HAD to do it. Mission accepted. Pass the 22 oz. Singha, por favor. Quite unbeknownst to us, and even more shocking as we were coming from the Buddhist timewarp of Myanmar, we dropped into a week-long riverside party so riotous that it looks, feels, smells, and definitely sounds more like a warzone. This is Thailand's biggest celebration (perhaps tied with April's water festival, so we heard, where absolutely everyone gets shot with water guns, 24/7, naked children to full business attire, all targets are clean), and Chiang Mai is the Times Square for it, minus the cops, laws, and fear of charred flesh. At its core, Loi Kraton is a festival of floating lanterns to celebrate the end of the monsoon season, culminating in a momentous full-moon festival. For purists, this involves literally THOUSANDS of 3-foot tall, 1-foot diameter paper condom-shaped lanterns, with a burning flame at its base. The lantern captures the rising heat of the flame and MAGIC is created, as the entire city participates in a collective doubling of the night sky's star count. If you can imagine, standing on the foot bridge of the Ping River, looking at the city street and skyline - ablaze with fireworks, apartment parties, and sheer street madness - and then, slowly shift your eyes up towards the moon, which is completely full, and surrounded by hundreds, perhaps thousands, of glowing orange paper lanterns floating slowly into the atmosphere. Absolutely incredible. Chaos below, floating nirvana above. Plus, the river turns to light as the purest and oldest of traditions is carried forward, the floating of the Kraton lanterns, which are 8-12-inch, round candle lanterns, made from banana tree trunk, leaf, various orange and purple flowers, incense and candles. Following the tradition, Al and I made some ourselves, made our way down to the Ping, and set our lanterns out to sail after making a wish, as is also the tradition.

But, if you think Loi Kraton is all floating wishes and riverside romance, think again . . . it is a WAR ZONE lubricated with beer, fireworks, and jam-packed street action. Fireworks absolutely EVERYWHERE, shot without abandon as though an M-80 was the equivalent of a spitball; the noise, at first, was shocking. Loud blasts would often go off right by our side, as the local kids loved shooting their stockpile at the feet of "farang" (Thai for "gringo"). After 3 days, we got (sort of) used to the explosion noises, although we gained a new fear for the quite agitated, sometimes snarling street dog population: we all know that deserted, mangy street dogs do not mix well with a week of loud explosion noise. No worries. Beer made us brave. Amongst the Thai teenagers, we saw the most ridiculous acts of irresponsibility: street fires into which children threw explosives; explosive-rigged coconuts tossed into major traffic intersections by skinny Thai boys on motor scooters, zipping away just before smoke and noise shattered normal traffic flow; a girl swinging a bottle rocket like a lasso, but not letting go in time, exploding it INTO HER OWN FACE (WHAT!?!!??!); floating lanterns that dripped flaming fuel down to whatever was below.

Fortunately, a grand stroke of luck occured on our first morning, when we met Johann, who, like me, grew up in Encino, CA; just graduated rom Berkeley (undergrad, making him way more fun than a lame-O grad student like me), and here we were, in an internet cafe in northern Thailand watching a You Tube clip of his college buddy winning $25,000 playing everyone's favorite: PLINKO! on the Price Is Right. Even better, Johann had been teaching English in Chiang Mai for many months, knew the city inside out, lived in a riverside penthouse with incredible views (and a little safe distance) of the war zone/lantern sky, and best of all, is totally awesome and had a crew of also totally awesome friends: Ramen, Ben, Ainsley, Paul, Tessa, Pong (sp?), and Erica. It was a good ol' California-Virginia-Georgia-Quebec-Thai alliance, and we all got just a little crazy on the Ping River: shooting fireworks off the apartment balcony, Al eating crunchy worms offered by Johann's teenage Thai students, Johann's landlord absolutely losing it and kicking everone out of the place (which was really undeserved. seriously.) . . . and, most strange, a little shocking, and VERY claustrophobic: 10 of us maxing out the weight limit in the apartment tower elevator (and this is an elevator sized for the Thai, 5-feet by 5-feet square), so that we were all absolutely packed in for about 20 minutes . . . some breathing shallower and shallower, some reacting with rowdy drunken jokes, some uncontrollable hysteric laughing, some plain old FREAKING OUT . . . seriously, getting stuck in a Thai elevator with 10 drunkards is a new one on us. I would not recommend it, unless, of course, everyone in there behaves like our friend Ben (he had the rowdy drunk joke reaction, which was my MO as well, except that I had a guy losing it next to me, demanding that we all SHUT UP, particularly me).

The days did bring a touch of sobriety and culture: a wonderfully hungover Thai cooking class (soups, curry, sticky mango rice, vegetable carving . . . what a glorious cuisine they have); amazing markets (including the famous Night Bazaar in which you can buy anything from a pirated Season 1 of the Sopranos to a glutinous rice steamer, to knock--off Deisel jeans) ; and, dare I say, a shocking amounting of street-stand grazing in what is most definitely the most delicious country on earth: barbequed squid for $.10 (Al's favorite, no doubt); fresh coconut milk (one coconut please, just add straw); eggplant minced pork curry; squares of fried spring onions (sounds unexciting but was one of the favorites); spicy octopus salad; whole grilled fish wrapped in banana leaf; and mangoes in sweet sticky rice (Jacob's favorite). We finished off our time in Chaing Mai sharing a meal, of course, with our new found friends at a restaurant/bar with a Thai band whose lead singer crooned Stevie Nicks and Beatle ditties while we once again plowed through some amazing food.